


What Could Have Been

by Artistic_Alex



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Octopunk Media, Panic Attacks, Post Detroit Evolution, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers, Whump, murder case, reed900
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artistic_Alex/pseuds/Artistic_Alex
Summary: Sometimes we'd rather focus on what's ahead rather than what we left behind. Other times we aren’t given a choice, and we must think about what could have been.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 122





	1. What If?

**Author's Note:**

> This fucking movie is my new favorite thing. Link to it in end notes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things can’t always be forgotten, not when reminders like these exist.

The radio plays at a silent volume, hardly disrupting the sporadically paced thoughts that traveled through Gavin’s mind. Nines, his partner in every aspect, sat at his side in the passenger, ignoring the tension shared in the car.

It was early. _Too fucking early,_ but Gavin already gave his two cents about the whole situation, throwing a fit to the android as they left the apartment. Nines hadn’t minded, of course. He was as annoying as he was patient, but Gavin found himself bitter knowing that early mornings didn’t affect the android like it did him.

They’d closed a major case a few days ago, details of it left Gavin with sleepless nights, this morning marking his third day without sleep. Nines had labeled it as “stress induced insomnia,” but Gavin only snapped at him asking when he had gotten his medical degree. His response was less than amusing, as it always was. Nines has been… Careful around him. He politely would offer suggestions to help him sleep, but they were never things he tried. He didn’t need any _help._ He was a human, he’d sleep eventually. Didn’t need help from someone who didn’t understand the concept.

He pretends that the genuine concern annoys him, pushing the android away when he enters his room at night, telling him to fuck of six ways to Sunday, and locks his door. But… deep down he wishes that the android put up more of a fight, beg to stay with him. Hold him. Anything. But he could never tell Nines that’s what he wanted. That would be weird and awkward. Fuck that. Emotions suck. He won’t bother trying to use them correctly now.

Gavin sighs to himself, reaching for the coffee in his cup holder, stopping just short of its reach when he sees Nines led flicker.

“There a problem, tincan?” 

Nines seems to hesitate before returning neutral. 

“That’s your fifth cup of coffee this morning. Your caffeine levels are far from ideal and I’d advise that you wait at least a few more hours before indulging your habit anymore.” 

Gavin smirks, “heh, yeah, and you know what I think?” He takes a large gulp of coffee, holding it in his off-hand as he drives. “I think you’re overreacting. You’re not my mom. Get off my back.” It was a tame response, but Gavin no longer had it in him to be clever with his banter.

Nines furrows his brows.

“I may not be, but I assure you my worries are less than misplaced. I’m merely concerned for how it’ll affect you, Detective.” 

“Yeah, well, looks like you’ll have to live with it. Promise it won’t affect the stupid case if that’s what’s bothering you.” 

Nines opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it, turning his head to look out the window instead of at his partner.

This had been how they interacted since the end of the “Burogh Case.” A little girl had been killed when mistaken for an android. Her mother, who was an android, managed to flee. 

That was the story at first.

But then the full truth came out. The mother had been shortcoming, close to losing their home due to the wage gap between humans and androids. She started donating her thirium to red ice users to keep a roof over their heads. She eventually had enough to stop, but they didn’t appreciate a loss of product and the refusal of a machine, so threatened to take thirium themselves. They killed her daughter, prepared to take her blood when they learned she was in fact human, and they had killed their own kind. The attackers were remorseful, but only for the child, not the mother they had forever scarred.

It wasn’t the worst story they've come

across, but the interrogation had shattered him.

The woman explained everything, slowly drifting into hysteria as she explained in great detail each stab wound, what it looked like and how it sounded as the knife plunged into the small human's chest. Gavin had tried his best to calm her but nothing seemed to work and her panic attack evolved into something he could no longer control.

She self destructed in front of him, crying her daughters name as her led went dim. Nines had arrived too late and Gavin stood before him in shock, covered in blue blood. 

Nothing Nines said or did comforted him. His mind kept flashing to that moment, and then to every moment that’s ever hurt him.

Trauma seems to do that to you. Make connections, force itself with other memories. Emotions were truly a bitch.

Night after night Nines tried to help, cooing words of love and encouragement to open up, but Gavin never accepted it, never let him in. Gavin instead purposely pissed Nines off until he just gave up trying to help. 

Nines continues to reach out, stay nights over, and comfort him only to be pushed away. It was becoming frustrating, but it never deterred him from trying different approaches.

They stay silent until the next stop light.

“I suppose I should tell you about the case…” Nines offers.

“Yeah. Why not. Go ahead.” He says, taking another sip of his coffee.

“The victim's name is Walter Marina, twenty years old, records show he had been a drop out and has had three different cases of aggravated assault. He was found today at three fifty six am by a group of teens roaming the alley way nearby.” Nines eyes return to normal but his led doesn’t fade back to its blue color after he’s finished processing. Something was bothering him. Gavin makes no acknowledgments.

Nines continues to give directions, leading them to a shitty part of Detroit known for its deep and dark alleyways. Something was always going on the east side. A few upgrades to the buildings and parks weren’t going to change the desperate lash out of civilians in poverty. Drugs, prostitution, all of it ran wild here. Gavin tries to forget the last time he traveled this road before he became an officer and how it was affecting him. Gavin attempts to give it less thought as he pulls up to their destination, an off corner of an abandoned building.

Nines steps out first, leading the way to the scene. Chris has already been there, tablet in hand as he finished writing his report.

“Hey Gavin, Nines. Good to see you.” He offers a genuine smile.

“You as well, Detective Miller.” 

He shifts his balance to one side. “Ya know, I’m still not used to that title. Been two months and it still seems weird.” 

Gavin was already annoyed at the twos banter, so instead pushed ahead to review the scene himself, kneeling to the body. 

A young man in scrappy clothing laid halfway against a dumpster, out of view of the entryway of the alley. The blood was old, coated a dark brown, almost ebony black. His stab wounds weren’t large, but there was an abundance of them.

Gavin ignores the sounds of footsteps coming from behind him, stopping just a new paces before him.

“His blood’s gone dry. Definitely old.” Gavin says, standing. 

“Yes. It does seem so.” 

Nines takes a moment to look him over before speaking once more. “He has approximately twenty three stab wounds, all varying in size only slightly. I’d suspect the weapon is a pocket knife, given the diameter and depth of each wound, sixteen centimeters to be exact.” 

“Huh.” Is all Gavin manages to let out, taking in the appearance of the man himself. 

He’s trying his hardest not to gag. The smell emitting from the man was hardly bearable, but he knew he’d have to stick through it even a little while longer.

Nines, the bastard he is, takes it upon himself to scan him more thoroughly, touching his fingers to the blood before pressing it to his tongue.

Gavin shivers, repulsed. Nines only smirks before returning to his professional persona.

“I’ve found traces of red ice, though a scan was hardly necessary since it’s visible on his clothing.” 

Gavin nods, turning back to Walter.

“He’s been deceased… Seventeen days.” 

Gavin's eyes widened.

“ _Seventeen days?!”_

“It appears so.” 

“No one called about this?” Gavin asks questions shakily, “no family, friends, loved ones?!” 

“No. As I've stated it was a group of minors who had only discovered him this morning.”

Gavin feels his heart drop. Anything Nines is saying was now second to his disposition, out of his mind. 

His eyes locked with the dead ones in front of him.

This man died without anyone to care. He was just left here to rot for seventeen days, covered in his own blood and high off his ass. What was he like? Why was he here? He’d never know the answers. The man was dead. And no one cares. He was just left to wander the streets. To just wonder and wonder and nobody cared, and he just died here _,_ he just died and he’s been forgotten about, and no one can change that because he’s dead, his own blood coating him, he’s dead, high off his ass. He’s dead. He’s-

_It could have been you-_

Gavin holds a hand shakily to his mouth, suppressing the urge to vomit, a gag comes in his place, quiet but guttural.

“Detective?” 

_This could have been you. You could have just as easily died in the snow, cold and alone and afraid and unloved. It could have been you. It could have been you._

_High off your ass. Covered in blood. Wondering. Alone. Snow. Cold. Scared. Blood. High. Dying. Lost._

_ItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyou_ **_ItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeenyouItcouldhavebeen_ **-

 **”** Gavin!” 

Gavin’s wild eyes don’t meet Nines, who’s now kneeling in front of him. Nines doesn't say anything before turning to his side, nodding his head, and carefully reaching out.

“I’m going to touch you, Gavin, I'd like to assist you to the car, would that be alright?”

Gavin doesn’t respond, only shivers, grunting and gasping for air.

_He’s so cold. His clothes are sticky and wet. Coated. Blood. Intoxicated. Empty-_

He doesn’t feel the gentle hand on his shoulder, carefully guiding him away from the scene. He doesn’t process it, doesn’t even know he’s moving, his own feet carrying him as he’s being blindly led.

Next thing he knows he’s in the passenger seat, Nines lowering to a kneel in the car's doorway.

His partner looks at him lovingly, eyes hiding an untold fear.

“Gavin, please, you need to breathe-“ 

_Frigid. Dirty. Misplaced. Dark. Miserable. Dripping-_

Hands return to his shoulders, barely there, begging for Gavin to look at him.

Nines is uncertain of what to do, yet somehow he acts accordingly. 

”Gavin, whatever you’re seeing, it is not real, it’s not what’s happening now. It’s the past, right now you’re okay.“

Gavin doesn’t respond, still breathing quickly. If he didn’t act now, Gavin would hyperventilate.

“I want you to breathe with me Gavin, just like this-“ he breathes in and out, in for five, out for five. He squeezes Gavin’s shoulder as he inhales, starting a rhythm. 

Gavin doesn’t at first, it takes a few squeezes and examples before he steadily attempts to copy the android.

Once his partner's breathing slows, he begins to speak once more. “Okay, Gavin. I want you to name five things you feel.” 

Gavin is quiet, still gasping slightly, tears pouring rapidly from his eyes. “Seat, c-coat…” he trails off, breath hitching and picking up again.

“No no, stay with me, what do you feel, Gavin?”

“Snow, b-blood, it’s so cold it’s-“ 

“Shhh… It’s okay. Let’s try this, what do you see? Tell me five things you see.” 

Gavin rapidly shakes his head, “W-window, sidewalk- I- I Uh-“ 

“You’re doing so good,” The RK900 praises, “just three more, you can do it. I believe in you.” 

”Tree, building-“ Gavin’s wild eyes finally meet his, his pupils shrink as they do. “N-Nines?” 

Nines smiles. “Yes, I’m here, Gavin. I’m right here.” Nines moves his hand to Gavin’s, cupping it in his palm, Gavin squeezes it tightly. If he were a human, it would have hurt. But he’s not. 

“You did so good, Gavin, I’m very proud. Now, tell me five more things you hear.” 

They continue this. They do sight, touch, smell, taste, and sound. Finally, after almost an hour, Gavin’s breathing returns to normal. Once Gavin is back from his hysteria he throws himself in Nines’ arms, sobbing loudly and clutching his jacket. Nines simply allows him to let it out, cooing soft words to him as he rubs his back. 

Eventually they separate, Gavin whimpers at the loss of his boyfriend's warmth. Nines places himself in the driver's seat, turning the keys and listening to the ignitions and engine groan to life. Nines drives him home, never letting go of his hand the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/apUn-YMMdZ8


	2. Words Reveal Unspoken Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans are complicated. They never say what they mean and hide when they need love the most. What’s the solution?

They hadn’t spoken in three days, sixteen hours, fifty-three minutes, and forty-seven seconds, and Nines felt as if the world was crumbling.

It was prevalent among human relationships. Kind of. They had their moments of bickering and solitude, but he was unsure if they went this long without a single muttered word. Despite their fight, Nines remained in Gavin's apartment, albeit in separate rooms. Gavin had been given a week's leave when Chris took the case to Fowler and explained what happened. He had expected nothing less since Fowler would understand the situation better than anyone. Gavin had been nothing less but fuming, yet, even before then, they had not shared a word. Overall it was an open and closed case, forensics had found a fingerprint and took a man into questioning. But, even so, Gavin said nothing.

Nines knows this to be conventional for Gavin. The man didn’t allow himself to be forthcoming or vulnerable. This was another tantrum to determine whether or not the android would leave him. 

And he wouldn’t. It wasn’t even a possibility. But damn it if he wasn’t annoyed.

He wanted nothing more to talk about what had happened, for Gavin to just pour his heart out and let him help mold it anew. But those were foolish wishes. Humans were complicated, they’d never allow such frailty to be expressed just because someone asked them to do so. 

Nines made an effort to disregard these burdening thoughts, pursuing work on his own to make up for the detective's lost time. He felt exhausted, something he’d only felt one other time and was still baffled at the realization this was even possible for him. He missed Gavin. He wanted nothing more for him to come back to work, to banter and bicker with him as they solved a big case, but he understood that the detective wasn’t ready, and that patience was a necessary attribute.

It was currently ten am. Gavin had not left his room in twenty-eight hours. Gavin had a bathroom attached to his room, but there wasn't a kitchen in there.

Gavin commonly ignored his needs, a trait that both bewildered and upset his android partner with great success. Nines had attempted cooking for him, hoping for the smell alone to be enough to lure him out, but it wasn't. He tried knocking on his door, offering it personally but was shut out without so much as a response. 

If androids could have broken hearts, this is what it would feel like.

Gavin was set on dying in his room alone, so it seemed. But just when Nines was about to get up and say something, a soft click and then a squeak of a door tore him from his thoughts. 

Nines was about to push himself from the couch when he decided to hold off for a moment. Gavin never appreciated his clingy motherly nature, at least, not openly.

After a few shuffles from the hallway, the man aforementioned comes into view. 

And by ra9 saying he looked ”terrible” was an understatement.

His hair was greasy and stuck to his forehead, Nines estimates that he hadn't showered since his last panic attack, four days ago. His attire was unchanged, tattered and odorous. His usual eye bags we're at least six and a half shades darker, presumably from lack of sleep and malnourishment. 

The human looked awful.

”It's nice to see you out of your room.” Nines says casually. “I was afraid you had simply perished in there.” He says, trying to commence some sort of banter. 

The short male says nothing, walking like the undead into the kitchen and pulling out a tin of coffee. When Nines notices it, his led spirals into a muted ruby.

”That brand of coffee had zero calories in it, and the creamer you tend to use only had thirty-five. To avoid malnutrition I'd advise you to have a proper meal to avoid bodily discomfort.” 

Gavin is silent for a moment before his bitter words bite through the air, his first words in days, ”I’d advise you to fuck off, plastic.” 

Nines is slightly taken aback. Sure, they used the word ”tin can” in banter, but the name  _ plastic  _ had been abandoned long ago. Nines pushes the away feeling of hurt as he stands. 

”Okay. If that's how you wish to behave, then I'm no longer advising, I'm  _ warning  _ you. You will have a decent meal before letting that poison you call a comfort drink enter your body.” 

Gavin doesn’t turn around, finishing loading coffee into the pot and drilling in place.

“I know you heard me, Gavin.” 

Before he can say anything else, Gavin is whipping around, immediately attempting to size him up.

“Listen to you here you useless hunk of scrap metal.” He starts, sneering in his face, “this is my fucking apartment. I’ll do whatever the fuck I please, you understand? You ain’t my boss, you ain’t my fuckin’ mom, so if you know what good for you you’ll get off my dick and go back into stasis or whatever the fuck you call it like a good little robot.” 

Gavin pushes him, but the RK900 is unfazed by this, still standing tall. 

“Gavin-“ 

“What the  _ fuck _ did I just say?”

Nines straightens his posture.

“I heard you. Loud and clear. But that doesn’t immediately provide that I’ll listen to a child throwing a tantrum because he’s socially inept.” 

Gavin meets his eyes once more, much angrier than before, raises a fist. “Now you-“ he’s cut off swiftly by Nines hand catching his wrist, squeezing it hard enough to not hurt him, but enough to hold in place.

“No. I’m not going to listen to the excuses of a self-destructive twink who hasn’t thought once about what his behavior is doing to others!” 

Gavin gapes, opening his mouth before shutting it promptly.

Nine's eyes drift away from the man and to his hand. They’re blistered with broken skin and dried blood.

“How did this happen?” He asks, his voice lowering into that of concern. Nines allows him to rip his hand away to fold in on himself. “I hadn’t heard you punch the walls.” 

Gavin rolls his eyes. “I punched the floor, idiot.” He says angrily. “Everyone knows that it’s quieter…” He trails his voice. “Plus I can’t afford to put any more holes in my walls.

Nines takes this information in.

_ Gavin hadn’t wanted Nines to find out. _

“Gavin, please allow me to bandage these. They’re at high risk of infection.”

“No! Fuck you, I’ll be fine-“ 

“Gavin. I’m done requesting. All I want to do is help. For you to open up. To  _ talk  _ to me!” 

“I can’t!” 

“It’s easier than you make it! You know I’d understand anything you’d tell me!” 

“It’s not that simple!” 

“And why not?” 

“I can't talk because it becomes real! All that shit in my head will be reality again!” He screams, tears brimming his eyes. The room goes stale and Gavin takes a deep breath. “Because the second I speak even a word it’s happening all over again… It won’t just be a dream or a nightmare… It'll be the truth…”

”Gavin…” Nines attempts to reach out only for his partner to retract in on himself. ”I'm- I'm sorry- I-” 

Gavin laughs to himself painfully. Hoarse and dreadful the laughs turn into loud sobs that leave the detective curled into himself on the floor, muttering apologizes. After minutes of crying, Gavin finally allows Nines to place his arms over him. He clutches him close, crying to his turtleneck. Nines rubs his back in soothing circular motions.

”It’s okay, Gavin. I'm right here.” He says surely.

”I'm not going anywhere.”

”But-” 

”No Gavin, I mean it. You can push me all you want but I won't abandon you. You can mark my words if it comforts you, but rest assured I'll always be by your side.”

Gavin sniffles and looks up at him. ”Really?” He asks, similar to that of a small defenseless child. 

”Of course.” He smiles. ”You don't be ridding yourself of me anytime soon.” 

Gavin tries to smile but finds he doesn't have the energy to.

”Come along now, Gavin.” Nines says, placing Gavin's hands in his to help him stand, ” I'm going to patch you up and make you breakfast. After that, I'll help you to bed.” 

”Will you stay with me?”

Nines smiles once more. ”Of course Gavin. I wouldn't want it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This specific part of the fandom now controls my life and all I’m left to do is project my trauma onto characters that don’t deserve it.


End file.
